I have seen other people share their accomplishments of 2024, so here’s mine. I have only one: I have survived.
Unlike Maeve and Judith and Elizabeth, to name but three fellow patients with Myalgic encephalomyelitis who we lost this year, I have survived.
I’ve been in pain every single day, and I’ve survived.
I’ve been exhausted every single day, and I’ve survived.
I’ve been dizzy when getting up every single day, and I’ve survived.
I’ve felt like I’d been run over by a truck upon waking every single day, and I’ve survived.
I’ve had ME and POTS and irritable bowel syndrome and food intolerances and hay fever every single day, and I’ve survived.
I’ve been frustrated, and sad, and angry, and hopeless, and I’ve survived.
I have survived!
And I have lost, and yet survived.
I’ve lost the energy to be around multiple people or shower or have my hair washed without having PEM for days, and I’ve survived.
I’ve lost the ability to write or climb stairs, and I’ve survived.
I’ve lost being invited to birthdays because people assume I have to decline anyway, and I’ve survived.
And I’ve lost all hope to ever defend my PhD thesis, and I’ve survived.
I’ve cried, and screamed, and wept through it all, but I’ve survived.
Some people may call me brave or courageous or strong, but what I’ve really been, is someone who’s survived.
I had no other choice, so I survived.
I. Have. Survived!
But I deserve more than merely surviving. I deserve to live!